Struggle

I’m tired of struggling.

I’m tired of the strugge related to money. I’m tired of struggling to pay down my debt. I’m tired of struggling to pay bills. I’m tired of the struggle to make things work.

I’m tired of the struggle to always say no to myself and my fiance whenever we want to do something. I’m tired of not giving gifts and not doing fun things because we don’t have money.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to go spend and spend. I see what that has done to people close to me and I don’t want that. I don’t want to go crazy. I still want to be frugal, but I just want to feel okay with making purchases and celebrating special occasions. I want to be frugal but not to the point of denying ourselves everything or feeling guilty when we do indulge in something that costs a few bucks extra because I know it will throw off other elements of our life. I still want to keep a close eye on my finances and spend less than I earn, I just don’t want to struggle to do so.

I don’t want to struggle so much to pay for a place to live that we have to live with parents. I don’t want a ton of money, I just don’t want what feels like this constant struggle just to achieve the bare minimum of the basics.

Once I dig myself out of debt I’m hoping I won’t have to struggle anymore. I’m hoping that I’ll have a job and I won’t have to leave it and return to this state of struggle. I know that once I finally do see more money than I’m currently getting I’m not going to want to give it up and return to the place in life where everything is a struggle. I already know I don’t ever want to come back to this.

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