I Want To Feel Okay With Spending Money

Yesterday I bought a pair of $5 shoes. Classy, right? The only problem was that the purchase made me feel guilty because I’m not okay with spending money – no matter what amount of money.

My Experience With Spending Money

Actually the shoes I bought are really cute ballet flats I bought on sale at an outlet mall. They are a cute color and the most comfortable ballet flats I’ve ever had. I have strange feet so finding shoes that fit and feel good is a challenge. Finding five dollar shoes that do this is a miracle. A rare, rare miracle.

I’m tempted to go back and get the same shoes in different colors since I know I like them and they cost $5. Even if they don’t last forever (I know they won’t) they are still a really good deal.

They are also one of the few things I’ve bought in the past 6 months. I don’t shop for clothes. I don’t buy clothes. In the past since months I bought one $7 t-shirt, one pair of workout shorts, and these $5 shoes. I just don’t buy clothes. It’s a very rare occurrence when I find something that I feel is a good enough deal for me to spend some money on myself.

This mindset is completely caused by being in debt and planning a wedding as well as my past. I feel like I don’t deserve to buy myself anything ever because those two BIG things are of a higher priority. They are the things that are more important so all the money should go towards them. And by all the money I do mean ALL the money. Besides feeding myself I rarely spend any of the little money I earn.

I’ve never been a big shopper. Even when I used to work retail and go to the mall with friends often I spent less than they did. I bought less than they did. I rarely ever paid full price for anything. There is a need to be cheap with clothes that goes all the way back to my childhood.

When I was a child I spent every Saturday with my family shopping clearance sections trying to find good deals. My dad, the super cheapskate that he is, liked to pretend we couldn’t afford nicer things and had to shop garage sales, thrift stores, and clearance sections. Almost every Saturday of my entire childhood was spent shopping and looking for deals. I learned that shopping was fun, but you should never spend a lot of money. That thought was ingrained so deeply in me that I have a hard time buying myself clothes as an adult. I still like to look and shop for deals but I’ve gotten even worse with buying. I just don’t buy anything unless it’s a great sale and even then have trouble parting with my money.

I hate this about myself. I would love to loosen up a little bit as far as spending money goes.

I definitely don’t want to be a shopaholic and use credit cards to spend more than I earn. I just would love to loosen up and feel better about buying higher priced items that are quality. I don’t want the crazy cheapness of my father to forever haunt my spending habits. I don’t want the debt hanging over my head to always make me feel like I don’t deserve to buy anything nice.

I want to feel okay with spending money smartly.

Do You Feel Okay With Spending Money?

Am I alone in my negative feelings about spending money? I can’t be the only one, right? It seems a lot of people use shopping to soothe themselves and cope with unhappy situations and lives because shopping makes them feel better. But some people must feel worse after shopping, right?

Does spending money every make you feel worse rather than better? Do you get negative feelings after spending money?


  1. says

    What shop? They weren
    t from Rubi were they?

    I don’t believe in expensive ballet flats. I’m hard on my feet and I don’t believe a $200 pair will last much longer than a $20 pair. Mine usually don’t live longer than a year or two.

    • Fig says

      They were! $5 at the Rubi Shoes place at Dress Smart. It was my first time going out there and I just happened across them and when I tried them on and they fit I bought them. I wore them all day today and I love them. Dunno about quality or how long they will last but for $5 they are a really good deal. They were all bright crazy colors but that’s what I like so I love them. I think they also had black and neutrals for $10.


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