In a strange turn of life events and circumstances, The Boy is no longer employed. Bummer.
That makes me the primary breadwinner in our household! In fact, I’ve been the only income for a couple months now. I’ve paid for our rent, our food, and all of our expenses. I’ve been able to cover everything and still manage to put a little bit of money away and keep increasing our networth. Winner!
However, I’ve hated every single second of it. Hated. Hated. Hated. I do not like being the only one responsible for earning money in our household. It makes me feel scared and insecure. It makes me worry more than I ever would normally.
If I only had myself to take care of obviously I would support myself. But I could do whatever I wanted and support myself in whatever way I chose. I could take a crappy job and live with 6 roommates if I chose to do so. I could bum around city to city working temp jobs. I could cut my expenses mercilessly and freelance. I could do whatever I wanted or needed.
However, being responsible for someone else means I can’t do any of those things. I can’t up and quit my job if I want to. I can’t be a bum or take any chances or do anything outrageous. I HAVE TO WORK more than ever. I’m responsible for someone else! Perhaps that is part of what being grown up feels like more than anything else. Being responsible for other people and their well-being.
It’s technically my fault The Boy is unemployed (we moved) so I’m not complaining. I’m just saying I was not prepared to be the breadwinner. I’m not cut out for it. Not being able to make whatever choices I want is not good for me. Not feeling free to take a career leap on my own hurts my soul.
I’m looking forward to the day when The Boy is once again employed. I hope it’s sooner rather than later. I’d love the chance to go part time in my career and explore freelancing as we eventually start a family. But really? I just want the pressure of being the only breadwinner to go away!